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| my birthday is 25 days away. i'm not sure if i'm excited or not. i will be 20 years old. an honestly i dont feel like a 20 year. i'm as mature as a 16 year old. i hope i see some growing up on my part. soon? anyway on my actual birthday i'm thinking of having a little dinner thing with a couple of friends. not sure yet. that day after my birthday i'm planning on going to bamboozle with sam andd gil, hoping to watch AFI, angels & airwaves, and pierce the veil. also jackie wants to take me to get a tattoo. its not a for sure thing but i'm so exited for that! and if sam can get the time off, we wanna go to vegas and watch the lion king play :] i hope it happens!
still not going to school. for some reason i couldnt enroll into any classes? i even tried going to the classes and adding the day of but no go. i'm not to worried tho when the time comes and i do start going to school i will devote all my time and attention to it. still interested in something in the medical field. just dont know what yet....
i've gotten to see a lil more of my friends lately. except for nikki. i just kept telling myself that shes busy and well when she has time she'll call me or something. i cant complain tho i got to have lunch with her a few weeks ago! that was cool.
surprisingly sam and i are doing great. its been like 6 months since the whole cheating rumor/texting others situation happened. and well hes done a lot to make it up to me. i still wouldnt say i fully trust him yet. but itll happen eventually. it may be stupid to give a cheating guy another chance but for some reason, i still love him and decided that i want this relationship to work. and i guess i just have to wait and see what happens.
i still dont have a car but despite having to support my family and pay my expenses i have managed to save up $500!! i know its not much but its a start and it gives me hope lol. i feel one i have my own set of wheels i will be able to do anything!
i think thats all i have to say for now! :]
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| so i couldn't update on how the blink 182 concert was. but basically it was AMAZING!!!!!! they were everything i ever imagined them to be and more. they played dumpweed, down, feeling this, carousel, first date, rock show, miss you, stay together for the kids, all the small things, and not now<333333333 and other songs i cant think of right now lol.weezer, taking back sunday, all american rejects, and fall out boy opened up for them, and they all did so so good! overall it was one of the best concerts i have ever been to. i would recommend everyone to go if they still havent done so.
speaking of concerts, i get to see the sounds in october, thrice and the all time low in november, and hopefully tiger army as well. and after those i am not spending anymore money on concerts because i am supposed to be saving up.
i saw miguel today. it was cool, i hadnt seen him in like 2 years. but then he kept hitting on me, and well that wasnt cool. argh..
so i was talking to sam's mom and we decided that i transfer to mt.sac and go to winter session. so thats what i'm going to be doing. oh boy i cant wait to go to mt.sac.
i dont really have anything else to say so i shall go now.
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| very funny show. joel mchale is the best haha. next is chelsea lately, and after that i'm gonna try to catch up on the secret life of the american teenager, also a very good, very cheesy show.
its almost 12:30am and i'm still awake! i think i'm waiting for sam to come home. that's weird, waiting for sam to come home.. i don't like saying it, cause it trips me out!! haha yup so i live with him now, but not just sam! sam and his mother and his grandparents! and his puppy ava! i've been living here for about 2 weeks now. and yes i still find it weird. but its not a bad weird. maybe i find it to be weird because i'm only 19. which in my mind is still a young age. also we've only been together for a year. i love him, i love his family, and i love being here! but i'm scared this living situation will mess things up for us. either way he should be home around 2! unless he goes out to the bar, he's still excited about turning 21. i wonder what i'll do for my 21st birthday. i'll be the first to turn 21 out of the group. which is no fun :\ haha
work has been crazy! my new manager tori is definitely a cool girl. working with her has made work fun. and i get a few more hours since i'm the only one not going to school. one thing i like about working at the mall is that it's air-conditioned :D
i've been talking to lily a lot lately and i got to spend a few days with her which is really nice :) however i still havent hung out with anyone else! i'm hoping i will by the end of the week. like tomorrow i'm gonna hangout with jackie after work. we're gonna go to the street fair in orange. it should be fun :) bree wants to go on a double date sometime soon but sam is such a brat i doubt he'll want to go.
i splurged the other day and bought some cute sandals from urban outfitters, they where on sale so i got them for $20! totally awesome i thought oooh another awesome thing, i entered a kroq contest online last week and turns out i won! i don't have it yet but in theory i am now the owner of an ipod touch, with new music from afi and muse (and other bands) on it! eeeeee i can't wait til afi's new cd comes out. which reminds me i need to buy the new mars volta cd, the new boys like girls cd, the new arctic monkeys cd and the new muse cd. damn i need more money!
count down til i get to see blink is now 12 days. i still can't believe i'm actually going to see blink 182. i've been waiting for this day since i was 12! and i'm pretty excited about seeing weezer as well.
ummm i guess that's all i have to say for now!
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| not having a car. i'm over feeling like i don't have a "home" and i'm over no one ever being "home". i'm over feeling like i don't have friends. and i'm definitely over not having money. i'm this closing to just packing everything and moving to texas with my parents. but it isn't something i really want. i'm really grateful that i have a job but 7 hours a week doesn't cut it. especially when i'm sending money to my parents so they can pay their bills. i feel bad for them because they work so damn hard! but it never seems to end. i'm trying to save up for a car, third times a charm right? haha. i'm hoping this time my parents won't need the money..
but i am very grateful that my best friend and her family have allowed me to live at their house. rent free! they are so amazing and i owe them so much! but i honestly feel that me living here has taken a toll on our friendship. and unfortunately i cannot afford to get my own place. also her father has been so stressed out lately and i want to be able to at least give him money to help out a bit but i'm so financially burdened that i can't really offer much. i'm still gonna give him what i can and i hope that he will understand. things are pretty hard for him as well. going through a divorce is never easy and i pray for him daily. and so does sam's mother (my boyfriend's mother) :) god bless her soul she's such a wonderful lady! as for things with nikki (my best friend), i don't know if they will ever be the same. i think i stopped trying when she got back with her boyfriend. don't get me wrong, i am very happy for her, he's a great guy and you can tell she loves the guy dearly. but to me it seems that she's always with him. if she's not out with him then she's at his house and if they aren't at his house then he's over here. its hard for me to spend quality time with her. and i don't wanna intrude on their time either. even though they probably wouldn't mind. who knows! maybe i'm the one whose never home and always out with sam. either way i pray that things will go back to the way they were.. i miss my best friend. the only other friend i can hang out with is jackie, and she usually wants to go out and party or go clubbing. which i do enjoy but they make sam uncomfortable. he doesn't like it when i go out to places like this but he's learning not to worry about it as much. he worries because has last girlfriend was sleeping with his best friend for most of the time that he was with her and now he has trust issues. immorality in a relationship can be pretty heart-rending on a person. and well jackie doesn't quite get that. i suppose i should also try and make some more friends!
i try to be as understanding about the situation as i can but at times it gets hard. every now and then he starts being ridiculous about what i'm gonna do or where i'm gonna go, and/or i go out despite his wishes. which isn't right on either of our parts. i tell him that it's because he doesn't trust me but he swears up and down that he does. i don't know anymore. i mean, i know that i love him and well sometimes you gotta make some sacrifices in order to make things work. i'm sure this will pay off in the long run :) now if only i could get him to hang out with my friends.. it still bothers me that he won't. he did a few times but he hasn't in awhile. something else that bothers me is his drinking. boy do him and his friends drink! and with his 21st birthday less then 2 months away i can't help but worry that his drinking will increase. i guess those are some other things we have to work on! and yes i believe he's worth it lol he is so incredible and makes me so happy! he's even said that if the living situation worsens he's gonna move out and let me live with him. i think its very sweet of him but i dont think i want to move in with him lol at least not yet. regardless him and his family have been such a blessing, when i'm around them i feel like everythings going to be okay, i feel like i'm at home :) his mother, grace, worries because i take the bus at night and actually goes out of her way to come get me. without me having to ask her and i find that to be so heart-warming because it makes me feel like i matter. and his grandparents are just as sweet! and lets not forget babygirl<33
um school is gonna start soon, i still don't know if i will be able to afford going this semester. my dad says he'll pay for it but i know he doesn't have the money. i need to get a loan or a grant or something. i really wish i was more resourceful! but i have decided i want to major in biology! because i want to become an optometrist :) i don't know why but i really think i'd enjoy it lol. gosh writing this entry was soo therapeutic for me! but i think that's all i have to write for now :)
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| i did.
it made me feel all american haha.
soo i guess now i just wait and see what happens!!
i'm a lil nervous.
saaaamm is in las vegas tonight,
gonna watch thrice, his favorite band EVER.
i miss him.
bahaha i'm so gay
dexter is seriously the greatest show on earth,
it was soooo good today! i suggest you go watch it.
fuck so i'm supposed to be writing this essay,
but i cant do it, i get too distracted! >:O
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